So I finally got a letter for my first Inclusion Matters appointment. Hopefully the wait has been worth it and it will give me some help and guidance in dealing with my mental health and anxiety issues. It's only a shame that my anxiety has gone through the roof since receiving my appointment. I don't know how I'm going to cope with getting to the appointment. Here's hoping I can fight through this and turn up. Roll on January 21st!
17/01/2015
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
Saturday 17 January 2015
Friday 2 May 2014
Inclusion Matters, or does it?
More than a year has passed since I was referred to the NHS mental health service, Inclusion Matters, and it seems I might have eventually got my "initial assessment".
Early in 2013 I was referred by my GP to the Inclusion Matters mental health service. I called the opt in number after following what the referral letter stated. I was told that the woman who deals with my area was not yet in the office and that after leaving my contact number she would call me back. I was then asked if they could leave a message on that number should I not be available to which I replied yes. The call back never came and I moved home about a month later so in the unlikely event that they did call back after this time I was unable to receive such calls.
In January 2014 I was referred to the Inclusion Matters mental health service by my GP after I had to visit hospital due to self injuring. I followed the instructions given in the referral letter and called the opt in number after waiting 2 days. I was told that the woman who deals with my area was not yet in the office and that if I left my contact number she would call me back. I was then asked if they could leave a message on that number should I not be available to which I replied yes.
The call back never came.
After 2 weeks I went back to my GP who advised me to keep calling until they actually do what they are supposed to do. I called many times over the following weeks and eventually I actually managed to get through to the woman who deals with my area (despite being told countless times that they would call me back when she is in or when she is not busy). Feeling relieved that I was actually getting somewhere I thought an appointment was forthcoming. Instead I was told that they had no record of a referral since 2013 and that I would again have to go back to my GP to get one. The woman also said I'd need to wait "at least 4 days before ringing" despite the referral letters always stating 2 days.
It took nearly 3 months to get in touch with the right person at Inclusion Matters and then despite the fact that I had seen my GP send the referral fax in January 2014 they deny it even existed.
I made yet another appointment to see my GP within 2 days of being told by Inclusion Matters that they had not received my recent referral. My GP was not at all happy with Inclusion Matters and sent a new referral on 25th March 2014 which I again saw being faxed.
I waited the 4 days as I was told by the Inclusion Matters woman and called the opt in number. Oh what a surprise to find that the woman for my area was busy and she would take my number, call me back or leave a message for me if I'm not available.
The callback never came yet again.
I tried again a few days later and got the same response. I've since come to the conclusion when Inclusion Matters say I'll get a "call back" what they actually mean is "we don't give a damn about you and the only way you are ever going to be dealt with is if you are lucky enough to choose a time to call when they aren't busy", no matter how many times they say otherwise.
I had given up. I needed to see my GP for a check up and to get more medication soon so I told myself I'll tell her again what has happen with regards to Inclusion Matters and no doubt she would lodge an official complaint or something similar as she would not be happy.
The 25th Anniversary of the horrific Hillsborough tragedy came and Inclusion Matters posted the following Tweet:
Which I found laughable. How do they expect to help someone who has been dealing with such a horrific event for 25 years when they can't even make a simple callback to some who has been trying to get help from their service for 4 months?
I responded to their Tweet:
I emailed and explained to them everything that had occurred since my 2013 referral to the mysterious missing referral and the most recent referral and the "callbacks" that never took place. I was hopeful that maybe now I would be able to get the help I have been trying to get from Inclusion Matters since 2013.
April 25th arrived and I received a letter from Inclusion Matters (no single person just signed as Inclusion Matters). The letter makes out it's my fault that I was not getting the help I was referred for. Stating "we are happy to reinstate your referral from 27.03.14". If they had actually called me back then there would have been no need to reinstate anything it was Inclusion Matters that caused the referral to lapse. I called them, it wasn't my fault that every time I called they said they'd call me back and then didn't.
Despite all of this I again called Inclusion Matters to opt in and in this letter I was given a different number to call. When I called the new number I was then told I had called the wrong number even though this was the new number given to me in the most recent letter I had received. I eventually got through to the right person and after more than a year I now have a date and time for my initial telephone assessment. It still however remains to be seen if they'll actually call me as they don't seem to like doing that.
The whole point of being referred to the Inclusion Matters service was to get help in dealing with various mental health problems I am dealing with yet so far the only thing it has done has made them much worse.
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
Wednesday 15 January 2014
Life Is Just Manipulative Hokum
I haven't posted anything on my blog for a while. I haven't been mentally or emotionally up to it or anything else for that matter.
Events of the past few years have lead to me coming to a stark realisation that my whole life up to 2013 has been a whole mass of messed up lies and manipulation. This has resulted in me entering the darkest and lowest phase of my life to date.
Attempted suicides and self-injury have played a huge part in my life and has been much more intense over the past few months. Nothing seems to help. Being referred for help from the local mental health service, Inclusion Matters, is all well and good but when the person who is meant to deal with my area is never available then my referrals are just stopped in their tracks.
I have no idea how I'm supposed to move forward from this. Those that are paid to help seem unwilling to do so and there are less and less people I can trust let alone look to for help. Everything I thought and was taught was right and true was all just manipulative hokum devised by those who I was lead to believe loved and cared about me.
I feel trapped, lost, abandoned and alone. Ending things seems the best option unless another unlikely solution rears it's head.
15/01/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
Events of the past few years have lead to me coming to a stark realisation that my whole life up to 2013 has been a whole mass of messed up lies and manipulation. This has resulted in me entering the darkest and lowest phase of my life to date.
Attempted suicides and self-injury have played a huge part in my life and has been much more intense over the past few months. Nothing seems to help. Being referred for help from the local mental health service, Inclusion Matters, is all well and good but when the person who is meant to deal with my area is never available then my referrals are just stopped in their tracks.
I have no idea how I'm supposed to move forward from this. Those that are paid to help seem unwilling to do so and there are less and less people I can trust let alone look to for help. Everything I thought and was taught was right and true was all just manipulative hokum devised by those who I was lead to believe loved and cared about me.
I feel trapped, lost, abandoned and alone. Ending things seems the best option unless another unlikely solution rears it's head.
15/01/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
Saturday 8 June 2013
Happy Kitty
Jasper is eating much better now he has had time to realise he is king of this house. He is savouring his food and no longer gets edgy looking for his bully of a brother. He has really come out of his shell and seems much happier than I've ever seen him. He is enjoying the new environment outside and has made some new friends and enemies in the local cat community which is thriving where we live. It is so great to see him so happy and chirpy. I've missed him being like this.
It's things like this that make life worth living.
09/04/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 19/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21
It's things like this that make life worth living.
09/04/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 19/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21
Wednesday 22 May 2013
Bullying: Pets And Family
Jasper seems to be settling in well in his new home. He doesn't seem to be missing his brother at all, or the dogs or anyone else. In fact he seems to be enjoying the freedom he has to do whatever he wants without anyone or anything stopping him.
It seems at our last home his brother was bullying him as I had suspected. When he is eating he has been getting edgy thinking his brother is going to come and push him out the way and steal his food. Hopefully in time he'll settle down and realise no one is going to take his food or toys or anything off him.
My parents have shown their disapproval of my moving out. They bought a house and rented it to me and my sister. I didn't ask them to and I was lead to believe it would be a more beneficial situation than I was in at the time. You don't expect your own family to give you bad advice so I was happy to move believing it would be a step in the right direction for my life and my health. It was for the first year but then after a few disagreements and constant meddling it got too much.
I got fed up of the way I was being treated by them, the dogs, my sister and the numerous others that constantly roamed the house. It never really felt like it was my home. I was made to feel like I was staying in someone's house. Being on benefits meant that my parents expected me to clean up after everyone in the house including 2 dogs that loved to pee and poop wherever they chose to. My room was so cramped I could barely walk around it for lack of space due to everything I had brought from my previous home. There was also the constant threat from my dad that I would have to move my stuff that I had downstairs in the communal areas and find an alternative place for it (in other words my already overflowing room or the bin). I should have stayed put in the flat I was in before this. At least there I had space to move, privacy and control over who was coming and going. So I got in touch with the council and applied for social housing. It happened so fast and I think the fact that the council were disgusted when I told them my parents expected me to clean up after everyone else went in my favour as well as my health problems.
I moved out whilst my mum and sister where on holiday and my dad was doing work somewhere. I couldn't get in touch with any of them easily so couldn't inform them. They seemed rather unhappy with this yet I had already discussed it a few weeks earlier with my mum so it's not like they didn't know what was going to happen.
I was going to visit them when they got back from their holiday, on my dad's birthday. A few days before I was to go and see them I received a text from my sister that was completely uncalled for and irrelevant. It allowed me to see the mood that they would be in and what would no doubt happen if I was to go and see them. At my age I'm not going to go down to see my parents only to be shouted at and treated like a child which from past experience I know would have happened. My family don't seem to be able to talk things through they just shout a lot and nothing gets sorted.
It seems however that they aren't so much bothered about me or the fact I moved out instead they are more fixated on the council tax palaver they have gotten themselves messed up with. They got me messed up in it by asking me to try and straighten things out with the council. I tried the best I could but I couldn't do anything to fix the problem as it was my parents mistakes that lead the council to take the action they have done. Now I'm being bullied by my parents over something that is out of my control.
So much for the new stress free beginning in my new home.
09/04/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
It seems at our last home his brother was bullying him as I had suspected. When he is eating he has been getting edgy thinking his brother is going to come and push him out the way and steal his food. Hopefully in time he'll settle down and realise no one is going to take his food or toys or anything off him.
My parents have shown their disapproval of my moving out. They bought a house and rented it to me and my sister. I didn't ask them to and I was lead to believe it would be a more beneficial situation than I was in at the time. You don't expect your own family to give you bad advice so I was happy to move believing it would be a step in the right direction for my life and my health. It was for the first year but then after a few disagreements and constant meddling it got too much.
I got fed up of the way I was being treated by them, the dogs, my sister and the numerous others that constantly roamed the house. It never really felt like it was my home. I was made to feel like I was staying in someone's house. Being on benefits meant that my parents expected me to clean up after everyone in the house including 2 dogs that loved to pee and poop wherever they chose to. My room was so cramped I could barely walk around it for lack of space due to everything I had brought from my previous home. There was also the constant threat from my dad that I would have to move my stuff that I had downstairs in the communal areas and find an alternative place for it (in other words my already overflowing room or the bin). I should have stayed put in the flat I was in before this. At least there I had space to move, privacy and control over who was coming and going. So I got in touch with the council and applied for social housing. It happened so fast and I think the fact that the council were disgusted when I told them my parents expected me to clean up after everyone else went in my favour as well as my health problems.
I moved out whilst my mum and sister where on holiday and my dad was doing work somewhere. I couldn't get in touch with any of them easily so couldn't inform them. They seemed rather unhappy with this yet I had already discussed it a few weeks earlier with my mum so it's not like they didn't know what was going to happen.
I was going to visit them when they got back from their holiday, on my dad's birthday. A few days before I was to go and see them I received a text from my sister that was completely uncalled for and irrelevant. It allowed me to see the mood that they would be in and what would no doubt happen if I was to go and see them. At my age I'm not going to go down to see my parents only to be shouted at and treated like a child which from past experience I know would have happened. My family don't seem to be able to talk things through they just shout a lot and nothing gets sorted.
It seems however that they aren't so much bothered about me or the fact I moved out instead they are more fixated on the council tax palaver they have gotten themselves messed up with. They got me messed up in it by asking me to try and straighten things out with the council. I tried the best I could but I couldn't do anything to fix the problem as it was my parents mistakes that lead the council to take the action they have done. Now I'm being bullied by my parents over something that is out of my control.
So much for the new stress free beginning in my new home.
09/04/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
Monday 13 May 2013
A New Beginning?
Today I officially move into my new home. It all happened so quickly. I didn't expect to be offered a new home so soon after signing up. Today I get to hopefully have a new beginning.
Gone is the foul smell of dog pee and poop, gone is the mould that was plaguing the bedroom wall, gone is the constant blame for things that others had done, gone is the lack of privacy and the feeling of not belonging. I give a huge welcome to peace and time to deal with my illness at my own pace without family trying to force me into things I'm not mentally or physically ready for. I can live without fear of my belongings being destroying by dogs and their fouling whilst their owner just laughs. I can enjoy living in my own space without anxiety of not knowing who or what is coming and going at all hours of the day and night. Never again will I make the mistake of a house share situation with family who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and people I don't know. It was the worst time I've had in my life and any progress I had made with my illnesses was eradicated.
Hopefully going forward life will be worth living.
13/05/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 20/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21
Gone is the foul smell of dog pee and poop, gone is the mould that was plaguing the bedroom wall, gone is the constant blame for things that others had done, gone is the lack of privacy and the feeling of not belonging. I give a huge welcome to peace and time to deal with my illness at my own pace without family trying to force me into things I'm not mentally or physically ready for. I can live without fear of my belongings being destroying by dogs and their fouling whilst their owner just laughs. I can enjoy living in my own space without anxiety of not knowing who or what is coming and going at all hours of the day and night. Never again will I make the mistake of a house share situation with family who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and people I don't know. It was the worst time I've had in my life and any progress I had made with my illnesses was eradicated.
Hopefully going forward life will be worth living.
13/05/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 20/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21
Wednesday 17 April 2013
Assessment Done... Now To The Waiting
It's over and done for now. Now I Just have to wait on their decision which will be just as bad as the stress of the assessment. I can't wait for it to be over and done with. If it wasn't for the lack of empathy from my family I might have been able to cope better.
17/04/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
17/04/2013
Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27
Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21
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