Support or Not?

Tomorrow is causing me no end of stress, anxiety and agitation and it's really getting me down just thinking about it. With all of the bad publicity that ATOS has had over the past 5 years or more I'm dreading attending the assessment. My GP doesn't think I'm in the right mental state to be working at present and neither does my therapist nor my counsellor and with the amount of time I have to spend in different sessions trying to get control over my mental health I don't have time to work at the same time and doubt any employer would permit me time out every few days to attend these sessions. I look forward to the day I can be back amongst others who are employed but at present my mental illnesses don't make that a viable prospect. 

I'm so tense and agitated I haven't been able to sleep much at all. I just want supporting until I recover and am able to have some sort of normality back in my life which has been the goal for at least 5 years but is still such a long way off. I have made significant ground since I first started suffering but there is still a long way until the end unless an alternative ending occurs in the mean time and I often get so stressed and depressed that I think of creating my own ending (and have attempted a few times in the past few months alone - which I'm not proud of). I just hope that I am assessed properly so I can continue to make my way towards overcoming or at least managing my mental health.

DWP, Ingeus, ATOS and Incompetance

After a week, lasting just 92 days, I finally get a new Ingeus appointment yet I still have no control of my life as it has been placed in the hands of people who are continually showing, despite them claiming the opposite, that they honestly don't care about me or my health problems. The only problem is on the same day I already have a hospital appointment to attend that I've been waiting seemingly forever for. It looks like I'll be waiting another "week" when I have to reschedule this new Ingeus appointment.

I also have to attend an ATOS assessment next Wednesday which has sent my already high levels of depression, anxiety, stress, and agitation through the roof whilst causing my mental state to crumble even further especially with all the publicity ATOS have had over their incompetence and their immoral view on people who are ill and disabled. 

It seems that whilst I'm suffering with my mental health problems I'm at the mercy of the DWP and the companies of incompetence, no compassion and no common sense that they choose to use to abuse the vulnerable.




09/04/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Sleepy Sylvester

02/04/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 21/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 19/21

Baking Release

It's now 78 days and still seems that to Ingeus it is not long enough to be classed as a week. I'll be surprised if by the time I get my new appointment from them that it doesn't clash with something more important.

Since I am constantly on edge with anxiety and endlessly depressed, feeling that I have no control of any part of my life, I decided to try and use baking as a distraction technique. It worked albeit only temporarily. It was fun, relaxing and mildly therapeutic but not something I can afford to do all the time on my current budget. It makes a change from using cutting as a release.

Hopefully, I can soon get some more counselling and behavioural help if the DWP permits me.



26/03/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 24/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

71 Days and Counting... That's A Long Week!

Still waiting for a new appointment from Ingeus to replace the one I had to cancel in January due to atrocious weather conditions. 

"I'll send a new appointment out in the next week" was what I was told on 7th January 2013, it's now 19th March 2013. A week seems to last longer than 7 days when you are a company employed by the DWP it would seem (71 days so far). If this isn't further proof that I'm being messed about by them I don't know what is.

The whole thing is just making my mental state worse because I don't know what is going on with anything. I seem to spend my life waiting on people. I never know what is going on any more yet they want me to get better and back into work. How exactly is making my health worse going to achieve that?



19/03/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Fallout

12/03/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 22/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 19/21

Close Encounter

05/03/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 20/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 19/21